Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
