Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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