I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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