We're facebook friends in real life
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
