i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
