you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
