Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
