No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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