At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
