You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize