apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
