What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
