oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize