It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
