True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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