I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
