There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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