think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
