I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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