It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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