Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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