I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
