I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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