real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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