I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
