worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
