We're like a lot better than the average bears
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
