Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i love accidental penises.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
