this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
