just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The air was thick with penises
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
