Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize