Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
