At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
