Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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