maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
