just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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