i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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