He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
