The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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