I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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