I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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