I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
