i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
