dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize