Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
