He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The uberlube is also flammable
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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