i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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