how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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