i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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