theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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