At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
