So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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