Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
