Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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