Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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