I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
