yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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