What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
