My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
