I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
