Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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