I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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