I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
