I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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