Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
do herpes really smell.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
