so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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