YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
