Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
